Funny Joke About the Woman Using a Wash Cloth With Glitter Before a Doc Appointment

This is what takes us so long in the bathroom:

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you

usually find a line of women, so you smile politely

and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check

for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is

occupied.

Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly

knocking down the woman leaving the stall.

You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't

matter, the wait has been so long you are about to

wet your pants! The dispenser for the modern "seat

covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is

handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the

door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so

you carefully, but quickly drape it around your

neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put

it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume

" The Stance."

In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles

begin to shake .You'dlovetositdown,butyou

certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay

toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance."

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you

reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet

paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your

mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to

clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no

toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more.

You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose

on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse.

(Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you

have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at

the same time). That would have to do. You crumple

it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller

than your thumbnail .

Someone pushes your door open because the latch

doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is

hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and

you and your purse topple backward against the tank

of the toilet. "Occupied!" you scream, as you reach

for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled

tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing

altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET

SEAT.

It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too

well that it's too late.

Your bare bottom has made contact with every

imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat

because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that

there was any, even if you had taken time to try.

You know that your mother would be utterly appalled

if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom

never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly,

dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you

could get."

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of

the toilet is so confused that it flushes,

propelling a stream of water like a fire hose

against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine

mist of water that covers your butt and runs down

your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow

sucks everything down with such force that you grab

onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of

being dragged in too.

At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the

spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're

exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you

found in your pocket and then slink out

inconspicuously to the sinks.

You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with

the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with

spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of

women still waiting.

You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A

kind soul at the very end of the line points out a

piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe.

(Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the

paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand

and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need

this."

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since

entered, used, and left the men's restroom. Annoyed,

he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your

purse hanging around your neck?"

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with

a public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be

kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what

really does take us so long. It also answers their

other commonly asked questions about why women go to

the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can

hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you

Kleenex under the door!

This HAD to be written by a woman! No one else could

describe it so accurately!

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Enjoy icon10.gif

kitchenfroopents.blogspot.com

Source: https://allnurses.com/why-women-take-so-long-t170118/

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